Wrong mind
by talkingaboutlove
Summary: Izaya rationalizes kissing Shizuo. Being hit in the head multiple times helps his case.


I'm not thinking right at the moment.

I can sense fresh aches all over my body that hadn't been there before this morning. My head hurts, I probably even have a small bump on the back of my head with how much it's hurting. I don't exactly have my hands to myself to check if it's there or not but I can say with 99% probability that I'm not thinking right.

That, I'm not in my right mind.

In conclusion: All my actions since I've opened my eyes after being beaten within an inch of my life are completely against the rationality of my mind and so, are rejected as ideas of my own and are a mere unfortunate set of actions that weren't actually my choice at all. They were in fact, an act of delirium.

Most people at this moment, if they were sharing my thoughts and were able to voice out their opinion freely in the unbalanced mess that is my mind would say that you're insane all the time so, when you say you're not in your right mind means absolutely nothing. I know that. I am insane and I tend to do insane things. I agree quite wholeheartedly and take no personal offense at it.

This however, goes against my usual behavior and my carefully spurious psychosis.

I have been in this type of situation less often than I would like other people to see me as. I am, after all, a very childish man whose desire is simply evil if seen from any angle but the crooked one. I am childish also, because I want these desires so badly that I do not empathize with the other person's pain or whatever it is that humans seem to value so much. However, I think that might just be a problem with my brain and is not actually part of my personality.

No matter. His lips feel nice against mine. Soft despite the rough cuts here and there.

Shizu-chan has had his lips bleed many times. Sometimes, it's the inside of his cheek or his tongue. But most times, it's just a shallow cut on his bottom lip because of his unusual strength that he can exert on his own person as much as he can on the person next to him. I can feel the outline of the mark he's left on himself. This supposed "peaceful" man with strength incomparable to any except the namely few— throwing street lights and other public property on poor, innocent victims strolling out for a nice, fresh air in a sector of the city that is just the type of place to gather all the excitement.

But these bruises I have gotten aren't from Shizu-chan. For one, I would have been dead by now if he actually caught me. No, I was knocked out purposely and sent here to my worst demise. A few kicks here and there to my stomach while I must have been unconscious.

I remember now. I had been sitting in my office, unsuspecting because I had been busy being delighted at starting another chess game with my favorite pawns. And then, Namie's perfect betrayal. At the right time, at the right spot, she struck. That woman, so amusing. I knew she had planned to stab me in the metaphorical back from the start but to think, she could have caught me at my most off-guard. I am good at telling when a hit is coming. It's a handy skill to avoid pain as much as possible. Not because I was averse to pain, per se. But perhaps because pain has dragged down my senses in the past much like alcohol does to a person.

I am impressed of that woman's method but dumping my unconscious body in front of Shizu-chan's apartment at the time where the sun is brightest was… a bit much. Damn woman. She knew that if anything could ruffle my feathers and be hysterically pleased doing it, it was Shizuo.

It was a good plan on paper. I am impressed at her astute application of observation. This game, she won.

But chess with real humans was different. Unpredictable factors, Extraneous variables come to mess up a perfect win.

Tongue. I am slipping him my tongue. My bottom half is responding alertly, alarming me of all kinds of demands like "Rub Rub Rub" and "Stroke Stroke Stroke" and "Feels good but can feel even better" and "I wanna come on his face" and "Come on! Push him down and do him."

Then, I snap out of the horny haze and try to mix together the image of: dyed blond hair ruffled into a quite accurate semblance of sex-hair, piercing brown eyes glaring down at me and fingers digging painfully into my arms as if just barely holding the urge to crush me in half. I avoid the blow and look over my shoulder at the scenery around me, only to notice that my favorite jacket is missing from being wrapped around me. It leaves a bed taste in my mouth and I smirk joyfully.

Shizu-chan looks well-harrassed, flush pooling his whole face and wrathful fury in his gaze. I like the look of it.

How this started?

I had been up for a rude awakening (thanks to Namie) in the morning when Shizu-chan opened the door to his apartment only to find me lying in front of his entrance. When he shook me awake— because apparently, he has the decency to not attack a sleeping, unsuspecting person (thank god for miracles)— I had been understandably startled and then, well, the sleepiness had screwed my mind loose of its fixed, firm beliefs and I had kissed Shizu-chan in the middle of exchanging biting barbs with him.

Just kissed the immobile, shocked man because of my aforementioned wrong mind. The "kiss" was predictably a bad move because when Shizu-chan was finally able to move, he responded as he's been known to, which is not in a very welcome way.

Now, he's chasing after me, shouting my name as if a school girl in a shoujo manga demanding retribution for stealing her first kiss. But of course, the idea was ludicrous and I laughed as I ran.

It was nothing special at all. Just two mouths touching. Between two of the unlikeliest people.

I glanced behind me in the middle of turning a corner to see Shizu-chan's face and looked away soon after, wondering when I would get to see his handsome face without that scrunched up look that he always carries when in my presence. During the kiss, I think, the wrinkles weren't there. I had felt it in my hands when I had caressed his face. When I had captured his mouth against mine, craving his essence in the stupidest way possible, those lines were non-existent and soft, smooth... heavenly.

No matter. I panted, my back against the wall of a narrow, obscure alley. I had revenge to execute and no time to lose my mind. When I see Shizu-chan rushing past the alley's mouth, not seeing my dark figure hidden in the shadows, I immediately ran with my tail between my legs, not caring that people who might know me saw my disgraceful departure from the streets. Namie was going to pay.


End file.
